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Registered: 11/02/11
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111 Members
34 Forums
111 Topics
206 Posts
Max Online: 181 @ 15/02/11 12:01 AM
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  The breakup of an important relationship is the most traumatic of human experiences and we have all suffered through at least one I am sure. In many ways we can more easily cope with the death of a loved one. Although we don't understand death, at least we understand its finality. With the breakup of a relationship, days and weeks of lingering and haunting "ifs" often follow. The pain can penetrate every fiber of our being. In the days following the breakup we think of little else than the one we loved and trusted, the one we had so much invested in. Everywhere we go we are reminded of them a face in a crowd, the flash of a familiar shirt, a distant voice, a song. In an effort to get away from things we may take a trip, only to find that in some way it reminds us of a special place we visited with our loved one.
"Each day frequently presents the chore of merely placing one foot in front of the other. Survival seems to be a word that encapsulates the experience. Discover what you can do to move from surviving to coping to managing and eventually thriving."
This forum has been setup as a place to talk and express how you are feeling to other likeminded members who may offer some relief you can Register Free and join us and add your voice to discussions on subjects that interest you. |
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General
Introduce yourself, you don't have to use your name, tell us your story, we all have them, so you can compare stories! Maybe discuss what issues you are dealing with at the moment, are you thinking of taking your ex partner back, are you trying to deal with an Affair or Infidelity or maybe just want to chat to other people in the same situation as you.
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Introduce Yourself
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New to Separation.co.nz? Introduce yourself, tell us your story, have a chat, we would love to hear from you.
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General Discussion
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Chat about anything to do with separation or divorce not covered by the forums below, or just have a gossip with other members.
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Suggestions and Feedback
Post any suggestions, comments, or questions about our site here, or are there any categories that you feel need to be added?
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Bonus Tip of the week
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Photo Gallery
You are welcome to upload any pictures to this forum, specially if you have a great eye for photography!
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Relationships
Have you lost friends since you have separated? Do your “joint” friends need to choose sides? Are there issues with the ex in-laws, are you unsure of what sort of relationship you should have with your ex, sometimes it is hard to let go especially if you have been together for a long time. Has the relationship with your children changed? Or maybe you are ready to start dating again?
Share you experiences and advice in this section.
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Affairs
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The discovery of infidelity and betrayal is devastating, it is one of the most horrific of all experiences, the knowledge that you have been betrayed by your mate is simply overwhelming.
This section is for people to talk to others who have experienced the same awful situation - come and share your experiences, thoughts and advice with each other.
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Reconciliation
How do I get my ex partner back, do I want my ex back? Is it possible to save my marriage? Should I try to save my marriage for the sake of the children? You may very well be asking yourself these questions.
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Dating
You’re healed. You’re confident. You know you can live on your own. But you know you’ll be more fulfilled being in a new relationship — a solid, healthy relationship, one built on mutual respect, openness and, of course, love. But how do you go about finding this? Do you wait for Mr Right to fall into your lap, reply on your friends to jack you up, hope you meet a cute guy in the supermarket, on do you go on-line?
What have you tried? Do you have any dating success stories or some horrors?
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Friends
After a divorce, a person may be in the process of healing or deep soul-searching. The battle is over, the assets have been divided and the children involved have been taken care of, but who gets custody of friends after a divorce?
A woman may continue to be friends with the woman, and the guy may continue to be friends with the guy. Or it may be that both people may continue to be friends with both people.
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Family
Parents who are getting a divorce are frequently worried about the effect the divorce will have on their children.
Unfortunately divorce affects everyone in the family not just the children, both of your Parents, the In-laws, Grandparents, and other extended members of your family, divorce will likely change the future of these relationships too.
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Your Ex
Are you thinking of taking your ex back? Or have you taken your ex back and it is not going well? While it is tempting to reunite with someone you fell in love with, it can also be risky since the relationship ended because something did not go well.
If you are ending your marriage and have children it is important to be able to communicate in a civil manner for their well being. It's also important because it helps promote good emotional health and speed the healing process for all involved.
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Marriage
Are you and your ex-spouse thinking of giving your marriage another go? Get tips and advice, or tell us how it is going.
Or maybe you will use this forum just to talk about your marriage.
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Ex-partner
Are you dealing with a harassing ex-spouse, does he/she phone you or txt you constantly, do you have a protection order in place? How do you deal with your ex when he/she starts dating again?
What arrangements do you have in place for dropping or picking kids up from school? Unfortunately there is no getting around dealing with ex spouses especially if you have children.
Use this section to help others out or get answers yourself.
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Protections Orders
A protection order is a formal court order made by the Family Court. It names a person who has been violent, and says they must not be violent towards the person who applied for the order or the applicant’s children.
Do you have a protection order in place, thinking of getting one, or maybe you have a protection order against you?
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Phone Calls/Txts
You and your partner have broken up and he/she won't stop calling/txting you.
Does your ex continually call you and harasses you over the phone?
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Dropping off Kids
How do you pick up and drop off your kids from your ex-spouse, but still show your kids you can be a good ex-partner and a great parent? Does it always end up in a yelling match, or does your ex-spouse not keep to the times arranged, or not show up at all?
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New Partners
Whether the divorce was your idea or your spouse’s, most people find themselves experiencing negative emotions when their ex-spouse starts dating again. Does this mean you still love them? Are these feelings normal? These are common questions you may ask yourself when your ex-spouse starts dating again.
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Divorce
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Chat about anything to do with Divorce, ask questions, tell us your experience. Are you having trouble getting a Divorce, is your ex spouse not willing to give you a divorce, do you not want to divorce your ex? What are all the legal requirements?
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Emotions
Each individual feels different at the end of a relationship. The person left, the person doing the leaving, the mutual separation, each person will feel it differently. Within this section you can discuss topics such as, Relief from a abusive relationship or a controlling partner, how to deal with Loneliness or Emptiness, maybe you are feeling unloved, does the Sadness and Grief feel like it is too much to handle?
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Relief
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During a period of time after the divorce, you may go through Divorce Relief .
If you have been in a loveless or controlled/abusive marriage, you will feel relieved to be out of a situation that has been bad for you for so long.
Or are you looking for a way to get relief from all the pain that you are feeling because of your separation/divorce?
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Loneliness
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One of the most common things people must deal with after a separation or divorce is loneliness. You feel as if there is no one to turn to and you are dealing with the entire world on your shoulders - completely alone.
What do you do to get through those lonely periods?
Combating loneliness after a divorce isn't easy but can be done successfully when you have the right support.
What do you do to get through those lonely periods?
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Sadness
Going through a separation/divorce is extremely difficult and can be very hard for both people involved. You might feel very blue or negative toward yourself during this process. Since you are experiencing many major changes right now, this is to be expected. Some people even become depressed. If you are having trouble coping, you might need some tips and techniques to improve your mental state and combat depressive thoughts.
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Motiviation
Getting back into life after divorce can seem like an overwhelming task.
Are you trying to make sense of your current situation? Are you trying to find direction in your life? Are you unsure what to do next? Do you feel like you are walking in the fog. At the beginning it is “survival mode” and keeping your routine going. In this section you can talk about how you look after yourself and your health, discuss with others how you get the motivation to just get through each day, maybe give each other ideas on how you cope or survive.
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Health
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It would appear that divorce can be bad for your health. Any change in lifestyle can cause depression and anxiety along with physical ailments that are stress induced. It is important to stay in touch with your family doctor, have a healthy diet, get regular exercise and plenty of sleep.
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Future Goals
It is important after divorce to rewrite the future.
Take some time to think about future goals you may want to achieve or how you go about building or rebuilding your life. Rewriting the future is about change and planning. The future is what we chose to make it.
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Routine
We all have a day to day routine however, when you go through a divorce, these daily routines may seem a little odd; after all, you are missing an essential ingredient - your husband/wife. The best thing you can do is to push forward without that missing link., try and re-invent your routine, establish your own schedule.
Routines are good for children as they build a sense of safety and security. This is particularly necessary when they are experiencing their parents separating.
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Survival Mode
Those early days after separation is all about getting through each day, putting one foot in front of the other, trying to go through the motions even when you feel a shell of yourself, numb and shattered on all levels of your being.
How do you get through those really tough days, how do you find the will to survive?
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Parenting
The reality of divorce is that you are separated from your children for periods of time, and they are separated from you. In this section you can discuss decisions you are having to make in regards to holidays, moving, changing schools, money, issues with custody or co –parenting. What impact is your separation having on the kids, are they coping? Are you having trouble bonding with your children, does your child not want to go and live/stay with mum or dad?
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Custody
Working out who gets custody of your children after separation can be incredibly difficult. The reality of it all is that you both will be seeing less of your children and that is painful.
Do you have to make custody agreements legal? What if you cant agree on an arrangements? What if the children are not happy?
Or are you having issues with your ex not wanting to see the children?
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School
Do you have to move your children from their school after your separation? What effect will this have on them, on top of dealing with their parents separating?
Are your children having trouble at school since the separation?
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Homes
How are your children coping living in two homes? Are you having issues with them favoring one over the other, or are they refusing to go to your ex partners home? Do you have to move home after your separation or sell the martial home??
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Children
This forum is discuss anything to do with your children, divorced related or not. How are the kids coping with your separation, how are you coping with the children on your own? Do your children have any issues that you want to discuss with others?
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Finances
One of the most important tasks you need to get sorted quickly is the finances and how you go about financially supporting yourself on your own, esp if you have children. In this section you can talk with others about any money matters, like what benefit are you entitled to, how do you apply for it, who pays child support, how much does your spouse have to pay, who pays the mortgage or rent, do you need to get a job and who pays for child support?
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Child Support/Maintance
When a relationship ends questions can arise about what ongoing support you should pay or expect to get from your partner. This is particularly relevant where one partner has sacrificed their career for the benefit of the other and/or where there are children involved.
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Mortgage & Rent
What happens to the Mortgage after separation? Who pays for it? Do you pay half each until settlement is sorted, even though only one of you live in the property?
Should you sell the House or buy out your spouse?
You cant afford the mortgage on your own but want to stay in the family home.
Do these questions sound familiar?
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Employment
Unfortunately, divorce can dramatically change your standard of living. One of the harsh realities of divorce is that most women will need to either re-enter the workforce or find a better paying job to support themselves. Even if you are getting support from your ex-spouse and/or child support, it probably won't be enough to make ends meet.
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